Saturday, January 7, 2012

the weight our words carry

Before I throw you into my super exciting and dramatic life, I would just like to say a few words about the title of this blog. Why?  Well many years from now, once my blog has been published into a best selling book and becomes an integral part of the American Lit canon, I want all high school AP English teachers to know exactly what I meant when I titled this blog. I don't need anyone twisting my words into whatever metaphor is currently popular, especially when I am cold in the grave and unable to defend myself. 

First of all, this title has nothing to do with the movie of the same name. Yes, I was aware that it was a movie, starring Matthew Perry and some other person, but I have never bothered to watch it. I IMDB'ed it the other day and found out the movie is essentially about a shotgun wedding. It also seems to be a before-its-time version of Knocked Up. Let me just state that my life bears absolutely no resemblance to either one of those movies. 

Second, I have never believed in love at first sight. At least not while an adult, anyway. I was quite proud of this and made sure to broadcast my opinion loudly to others, especially after a few glasses of red wine. I congratulated myself on being a real 21st century, independent kind of gal, didn't need no man and definitely didn't need any of that Hallmark/Kay Jewelers nonsense to find happiness (for the record, I still find Hallmark and Kay Jewelers commercials disgusting). After all, how could anyone know immediately after meeting someone that they will spend the rest of their life with that person? I frequently agonized over what cereal to buy at the grocery store, and that was for a one week commitment (unless the store happened to carry Berry Berry Kix, then then there was no hesitation). 

I think that my opinions on love could be illustrated by two of my favorite movies: Beauty and the Beast and When Harry Met Sally. In both stories, the main characters did not have any kind of fireworks-exploding-everyone-bursts-into-song kind of moment when they met. In fact, both parties hated each other at first sight! They couldn't stand to be around the other, and probably could not imagine a more tortuous life than one spent together. Rather, their relationship started out as mutual loathing, transformed begrudgingly into a tight-knit friendship, and then blossomed into true love. And, since all movies are based on true stories (just ask my dad), I adapted those plots into my own belief system, and firmly believed that I would detest my soulmate upon our first meeting, then become besties, then fall madly in love. I expected nothing less. 

Then, I met Matt--game changer. We both knew instantly that we were dunzo, we needed to look no further. Really, the only way I can describe it is love at first sight. 

And thus, after a long-winded ramble, we've arrived at my reasoning for choosing the title. "Can't Help Falling in Love" is one of my favorite songs (particularly the Ingrid Michaelson version), and I felt the lyrics were fitting for our relationship. Anyone who doesn't know us would probably take a look at our relationship timeline and immediately conclude that we rushed everything. Five days after we met we were officially a couple, two weeks later we exchanged the words "I love you", and seven months later we were engaged. How could this happen to a girl who just typed a short essay on how true love only blossoms from close friendship? Throughout my whole life I have questioned my decisions on friendships, careers, and yes, even breakfast cereals. This is the only thing that has ever felt right--no questions, no hesitations. Does that make me foolish? Maybe. But  I would rather be foolish and absurdly happy than wise and eternally sad. 

"wise men say, only fools rush in...
but I can't help falling in love with you."

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