Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Vineyard: Fake Reality

I was in the midst of putting the final touches on a Wedding Wednesday post (which means I had one or two, when Matt and I stumbled upon a new show on ABC Family called "The Vineyard," (truth is, we didn't stumble upon it, it showed up after we finished watching our regular Tuesday night shows--Pretty Little Liars and Twisted). Within the first few minutes, I knew the topic of Wednesday's post.

The Vineyard is brought to you by ABC Family, which brings you such quality programming as Pretty Little Liars, Bunheads, and what I'm pretty sure is the upcoming world television premier of So Undercover. If you've watched any of these programs (I will admit to seeing all three), then you know that this show about Martha's Vineyard has got to be worth checking out. Right after we started watching it, Matt said "this is basically like The Hills, except on the east coast." I responded that it was similar, except this show had to be fake. 

An absolutely candid photo of the totally down-to-earth, non-actors on the Vineyard

You know how everyone bashes on reality shows, saying they aren't "real" and it's all scripted, and the producers set up certain situations just to cause drama? Well, this show is practically screaming "none of this is real!! All of these people auditioned!! Nobody is actually from the Vineyard!" Oh, it's got all your typical reality show signature moves--the eye rolls, liberal use of the word "like," and meaningful looks while emo music plays softly in the background. It's even got all your usual suspects--the likable blonde, the conniving blonde; the all-around good guy, the all around bad guy. And any show about a touristy destination wouldn't be complete without a couple of out-of-town-hating locals. 

If you're a fan of all things terrible, please watch this show. If you decide to tune in, here are some things you can expect:

1. A whole lot of squinting.
Apparently, sunglasses are outlawed on the island. 

2. More stereotypes than an episode of Tosh.0. 
I think I've mentally added the word "bro" to the end of every sentence uttered by the muscular white kid who struts around in a wife beater.

3. Totally REAL conversations
These people who were just randomly thrown together to live in the same house for the summer. Watch what happens! No scripts here! Just your typical, run of the mill reality show!

4. Lots of little tiffs and spats. 
In the real world, people instigate fights with each other all the time, for no reason other than to provide some entertainment to an imaginary viewing audience. 

5. Bro fights.
In the first episode, we almost witnessed a sharks vs. jets type throwdown at a bonfire, when the locals confronted the out-of-towners. The epic battle was avoided, but I can only guess that they're saving such a scene for the season finale. 

6. Lots of lounging, drinking, eating, and hooking up with anyone relevant on the show
Probably the only convincing element in the whole shebang that makes it seem like a legit reality show. 

That's it, friends! If I haven't reeled you in with that summary, then please take some time to check out the cast bios. They are all totally legit and everyone seems like just some normal person whom you might find on a reality show. 

Whatever you do, don't judge (don't judge me, I mean--you can judge the cast all you want).

p.s. If any execs from ABC Family reads this, please sign me on to promote your channel. I feel that I could really excel in that sort of role. 

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