Monday, September 9, 2013

The Vineyard: What Could Happen?

Friends, I have to interrupt our regularly scheduled Music Monday post for some breaking news--the season finale of The Vineyard premiers tomorrow night (and, for humanity's sake, we can only hope it is the series finale as well). Matt and I have followed this show over the summer and have found it to be the lowest quality of television we ever encountered, and yet highly entertaining! The worst part about the show is that it claims to be "reality television," but it is the most scripted reality show I've ever seen. It's like the creators of the show all got drunk and decided to create an experiment addressing the age-old question, can a model be a good actor?
The answer to that question is NO.
Now that the end of this so-called reality show is upon us, Matt and I decided we would play a fun little game called "what could happen?" The show has had some blatantly obvious plot twists and turns, making for some very predictable but entertaining drama. We all know the ending that will happen (Katie + Lou=2gether 4eva), but let's just throw those predetermined endings to the wind and think about what might happen instead:

- Katie's elusive boyfriend (ex boyfriend?) finally shows up to prove that he is indeed a real person, and we discover that this "Matt" character is none other than Matt Smith, the 11th actor to play the Doctor in the wildly popular British television series, Doctor Who. Matt reveals to us that he didn't just play a time traveler on the "tube," but he is a time traveler in real life! Katie dumps Lou and goes to Matt--because hellloooo, time traveler!
Nerdy Scientist FTW
- Emily finally weasels her way into the Kennedy compound and emerges victorious with a big rock on her finger.

- Jon hears about Emily's sudden engagement to a Kennedy. He shrugs it off and immediately asks Jackie out on a date. Jackie happily agrees to being sloppy seconds.

Jackie finally, sort of gets a guy.
- Taeylr announces that she has found a cure to cancer. Everyone smiles and nods then goes back to what they were doing. At least one person calls security, because there is obviously a stranger in the house.

Seriously, was she even on the show?
- Cat joins a 12 step program for anger management. She makes amends with Sophi and the two fall in love.

- Ben roams around in his truck, looking for more out-of-towners to harass.

- Daniel surprises no one by announcing he's into guys.

So I realize those last three were kind of lame, but to be honest I just got tired of thinking about the people on this show. In fact, I spent more time on this post reading terrible reviews than actually writing the post.

ABC Family, are you listening? I think if you end the show as mentioned above, you will get better reviews AND the possibility of a second season. I am awaiting your call.

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