Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The Personal Statement

I have a question and I want you all to answer seriously--when is spring going to get here? I know that we passed the official date on the calendar, and I know we are nearing the end of March, but if Spring is anywhere to be found, I'm not seein' it.

I must have said/done something to anger Mother Nature, and now she's acting sullen and trying to punish me for it (she always was spiteful like that). She must have known Millie was going to have diarrhea this week, which accounts for all the snow we got today. She probably thought to herself, "it will be so fun to watch Katie shiver in the falling snow while she takes her dog outside for the sixth time. That will teach her for making a joke about me three years ago!"

Enough. You've probably noticed I've been a little crabby lately, which is a combination of this extended winter and the fact I am completely and utterly overwhelmed at work. On top of all that, I'm applying to grad school, so I can be officially admitted instead of taking classes willy nilly. My application materials are due April 1st (which is next week--what?!?), and I've got everything together and submitted. Everything but my personal statement.

Let me just say this--personal statements are the worst. You all know I love writing (obvi), but personal statements are my kryptonite. I just don't even know where to start, so I end up rambling about the dumbest anecdotes in the world, and before you know it the person on the other end is scratching their head and marking my paper with a big red X. "No thank you," they think to themselves, "we've got enough crazy here!"

In fact, I'm pretty sure my personal statement is what killed me in my first round of grad school applications. That, and possibly my GRE scores. Okay, and maybe the fact that I only applied to a handful of highly competitive programs also had something to do with it, but that's neither here nor there.

So, dear readers, in order to blow off some steam I've poured myself a Jack and Ginger and I will preview my personal statement for all to see.

Kate's Personal Statement
For immediate use in grad school applications
Let's be honest here--you don't want to waste your afternoon reading a standard, five paragraph essay on why I love Industrial/Organizational psychology soooo much, and I love it sooo much that maybe I should marry it. Real writing is losing its value in today's society, and before we know it everything will be in a nice, Buzzfeed-list format, with all pertinent points illustrated by GIFs--which is exactly what I will offer you today, in lieu of a traditional personal statement.

Let's begin.

First all, my undergraduate GPA was out of control. I had a perfect GPA in my major (psychology, and isn't that the most important?), and my overall GPA would have been perfect as well, if it wasn't for those two damn A minuses I made in Art History Part II and Intro to Shakespeare. (I'll never understand why my professor decided that diagnosing Hamlet with an Axis II personality disorder was not good enough for an A+ on my final).

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Point numero dos--I'm very cultured, which will bring a healthy dose of diversity to your program. I enjoy Mexican (Taco Bell), Italian (the pizza guy is on speed dial), British (ever heard of the Harry Potter cookbook?), and even Thai cuisine (I ate fried tofu one time and I liked it).

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Speaking of cultured, have I mentioned I like--nay--LOVE wine? You know what that means, right? Wine=classy Kate, classy Kate=totally awesome grad student.

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I know what you're thinking now, "this girl is SO smart, SO cultured, she is way out of our league!" Fear not, admissions crew, because I am IN your league. I'm not like the other brainiacs, I'm a cool brainiac!

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Don't worry though--I'm not some wild, party animal like I used to be back in undergrad. I'm a responsible adult and I spend my nights in responsible ways.

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And one final, key point I would like to make: I've got money to give you. You see, I'm going to give you more money than you need, so in return, I can get a piece of paper that probably won't do anything for me. I don't understand why this is up for debate.

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Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. Please say yes, because you know what will happen if you don't.

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Sharing this post with Virginia Bloggers Friday link-up
All Love,

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