Anyway, I wrote today's post back in November when I sponsored the Life of Bon. I never published it on this blog, and I felt it was appropriate today. Now that I am pushing 30, I've been thinking a lot about what I have done with my life, and what I have yet to do. I feel like the former is a short list, and the latter seems to get held up with my severe levels of procrastination.
|Birthday cakes: A typical result of my procrastination in college.|
Looking back, there was always fear involved--fear of failure, or the fear of creating work that was not up to standard. I also couldn't help but doubt myself. The truth is, when I have these big, important projects coming up, I slowly start to doubt that I am capable of creating high quality work that is completely my own. All that negativity just creeps in and settles in my soul and brings me down. It reaches the point where all I want to do is avoid it, so instead of doing what needs to be done, I'll play candy crush, or read a book, or even go do laundry, because I just don't want to face the fear that I will never be good enough for the standards I've set for myself.
I really want to write a novel--I've wanted to do it for years, and just recently I actually started to work on it. However, I have all this fear pushing me away from it, on top of all these other things that I still need to do as an adult. I can't just drop everything and write, as much as I would like that--I have to take care of my other responsibilities first.
I'm trying really hard to push through years of fear and doubt over my capabilities. It's an uphill climb and most days I just want to quit. Somehow, I keep trying, and I know I don't want to give up right now.
What kind of fears are you battling right now? Remember the words of one of my favorite songs, "Break the Sky," and maybe we'll get through it together:
"fear will hold you back, if you believe in that."
--The Hush Sound