Thursday, May 1, 2014

Good, Not Good Enough

Hello, friends! Did you miss me? I'm sorry for taking a longer-than-expected break. I had intended to simply scale down and blog three days a week, but somehow that turned into me writing a post about scaling down, then not posting for over another week.

There were quite a few things going on that kept me from getting my fingers to the keyboard, and for the most part, that was a hectic work schedule last week and over the weekend. Other than that, I've just been hanging around, wallowing.

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You see, last week, I found out I was not accepted into the grad school program I so badly wanted. That was the sixth time I was rejected from grad school. I know that we all have to deal with failure, and learn to move on, and BLAH BLAH BLAH, but being rejected from any sort of academic related matter always cuts me to the core.

Academics were always a source of pride for me. I had zero athletic talent, my social skills were lacking, and, even though my mom and aunt seemed to think my renditions of Garth Brooks' songs were lovely, I didn't think the rest of the world was ready. I always felt mediocre at everything else I tried, but when it came to books and learning, I was at the top of my class. As you can tell, every grad school rejection has basically reduced my self worth to nothing.

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The admissions office was kind enough to tell me the reason, since I asked--it was my quantitative GRE score. I had a feeling that was the case, but it didn't stop my anger from flaring up again over standardized testing. Forget about my 3.9 GPA and the three years of undergraduate I spent in a research lab--a stupid score on a stupid test that has had NO RELEVANCY to anything I have done in the real world has sealed my fate.

And that, my friends, is what I've been up to lately. Feeling sorry for myself, eating my feelings, and randomly breaking down in tears when I think about how I always seem to disappoint myself.

Tomorrow, I plan to move on from this sad, little show and try to be positive. Tonight, however, I'm going to eat maybe an entire pepperoni pizza by myself and maybe watch Mean Girls. It's a Wednesday, we wear pink, and we celebrate ten years of quotes that will never get old.

I am on an all carb diet.
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All Love,

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