Thursday, January 14, 2016

My Five Stages of Pregnancy

Mama didn't raise no fool!

I never thought I'd start out a blog post with a quote from Mr. T., but there it is! My mother did not raise me to walk around in ignorance all the time. When I found out I was pregnant, I did my research--I downloaded an app, read blog post after blog post, and went through all the handouts my doctor's office gave me at my first visit. "This is what you can expect during your 1st trimester," they said. "These symptoms may come back in your last trimester."

In everything I read, one line would be thrown in--maybe wedged in the middle of a boring paragraph, or thrown on at the end as an afterthought: everyone's pregnancy is different. That line, friends, you can take to the bank. A bulleted list will not tell you what you will be encountering during pregnancy. Now that I've (almost) done my time, I'm sharing with you the stages of pregnancy as experienced by yours truly.

Five Stages of Pregnancy

- Complete and Utter Exhaustion
This will come on suddenly and unexpectedly, and all the naps in the world cannot cure it.

- A Firestorm of Emotions
There were days when an innocent email at work could send me into a rage, or a simple, "honey, what's wrong?" from Matt would kick off an hour long sob fest of "I don't know what's wrong!" Like the exhaustion, there is no cure, but it can be alleviated with a cup of coffee, a grilled cheese, or some ice cream and a few episodes of Parks and Rec.

36 weeks pregnant
Picture taken the morning after the above mentioned sobfest. 
- Honeybadger
I don't use strong language on this blog, so instead of using honeybadger's signature phrase, I'll just say, "I really don't care." For instance, I really don't care that you want me to use the revolving door. I have giant baby bump and will be taking the normal door, thank you very much. I really don't care that this is someone else's birthday party, I'll be the first one in line for food and yes, I'll take that first piece of cake if no one else is making a reach for it. Although at times reckless, the Honeybadger phase is quite liberating.

- Eat All the Things
Considering the number of times I've had to take Prednisone in my life, I thought I knew what it felt like to have this burning desire to eat, eat, and eat some more. I thought I knew, until I became pregnant. Whenever we go out to eat, I feel like I count down the seconds and stare in the direction of the kitchen until our food comes out. I'll eat a bowl of fiber-packed cereal in the morning, and by the time I get to work (a 20 minute commute), I'll be hungry again. I know understand that women don't "eat for two" so they can eat whatever they want--we "eat for two" because there is a tiny force inside us compelling us to do so.

grilled cheese blue ridge grill
I probably could have eaten a grilled cheese every day of pregnancy and been happy. 
- The Signature Symptom
If you've ever been pregnant, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Some random ailment you've never encountered before suddenly plagues you from start to finish. Maybe it was an aching back, or severe heartburn, or inexplicable food aversions. For me, it was constant allergies--stuffy nose and congestion. I grew up with older brothers who had severe allergy issues, and I always felt lucky that I didn't have the same issue. Sure, I may get the occassional sinus congestion or cold when the seasons change, but it would clear up within a few days. I'm at the point where I don't remember what it feels like to breathe through your nose.

So there you have it, dear readers! This is what my life has looked like for the past nine months. Keep in mind, these are not sequential stages--they can happen at any time, sometimes concurrently! For example, "Eat All the Things" is often accompanied by "Honeybadger" or "Firestorm of Emotions."

I have absolutely loved being pregnant and growing this life inside of me (the little baby kicks are the best!), but I'm ready to meet Miss Aida and adjust to our new normal (although I'm guessing the emotional storm won't be going away anytime soon).

Any other pregnant ladies out there with me?

Joining Anne and Christine for Love the Everyday linkup, and with Virginia Bloggers

All Love,

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