Wednesday, February 17, 2016

The Nicholas Sparks Formula

"Even Nicholas Sparks is getting bored of Nicholas Sparks." 

Look, ladies--I know some of you love you some Nicholas Sparks' movies, and I get it. We all need a little mindless, feel good movie in our lives sometimes. Personally, I think the movies make great background noise when I'm doing something productive, like blogging or playing candy crush. 

Can we all agree that he peaked with the Notebook, and has since churned out formula book/movie after formula book/movie? I would feel a little embarrassed if I continually put out work that was so predictable and cheesy, but I guess he is laughing at us all in his giant mansion, and I also have a sneaking suspicion he gets kickbacks from the tourism boards of the Carolinas. 

Enough rant--let's take a look at this formula, shall we?

1. Start with one female and one male character--excuse me, one stunningly attractive female and one stunningly attractive male. 

2. Said characters both have complicated pasts, such that you would never imagine them together. She's divorced! She runs her own business! She doesn't have time for romance! He's a rugged loner who struggles with commitment but is hopelessly devoted to some sort of animal (dog, horse, dolphin--whatever, you get the idea). 

3. An unexpected (but totally expected) turn of events forces them together. These events are usually catastrophic in nature: hurricane, fire, car crash, war, zombie plague, etc. 

4. Don't forget about the charming, coastal setting! This is absolutely crucial to the formula, and it will make you just a little bit resentful that you don't live in such an idyllic town on the water (insert promotion for beach town in North Carolina here). 

5. Somebody dies. Without a doubt, you can always expect a death. Usually it's someone you really didn't want to die, like Greg Kinnear. 

6. The unexpected (but totally expected) death teaches our two, stunningly beautiful main characters that life is short, they should open themselves to love, blah blah blah...The End! 

(I also suspect that Nicholas Sparks is in cahoots with Kleenex, because you'll always end up crying...even during Nights in Rhodanthe, I cried because I was laughing so hard at how incredibly cheesy the script was at times.)

7. Throw in a soundtrack that includes a hit song from the pop-star-of-the-moment (i.e., Mandy Moore, Miley Cyrus, etc), and you've just made yourself a million dollars! Congratulations! 

So that's all there is to it! Do you think if we started making our own movies and books like this, would Nicholas Sparks notice? I mean can you even copyright something like this? Because I do believe we are sitting on a gold mine here. 

Am I missing anything in this formula? Whose ready to start a production company with me?

p.s. Don't forget to enter the Home Goods and Etsy giveaway! Contest ends on February 22nd.

All Love,

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